Week 5: Worship

Feb 21, 2008 09:08 AM
A sub-category of Pride: self-consciousness.

At first I thought it might be limited to corporate settings, but one time several years ago, I was totally alone in my office, and in one of those worship times that are just...well you know: awesome.

Then I felt compelled to dance.

I couldn't.

I mean I wouldn't.

No one could see me except God...but I was still too embarassed to let go.

Then God reminded of the passage in 2Sam 6 (Chrissie and Shea discuss this passage in the Podcast..give it a listen) where, because of his unbridled worship as the ark is brought into Jerusalem, David endures the WORST humiliation a man can endure: His wife's disapproval...her disrespect. She even calls his motives into question.

But David is undaunted. Truly a man after God's own heart and he says to his sarcastic wife, "I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes."

That last statement represents the SACRIFICE that I have been largely unable/unwilling to give over the course of my journey with God: my pride. My self-image. My dignity. The view I wish others to have of me.

Feb 22, 2008 11:17 AM
I am right there with you Brother! Unfortunately, I believe that society has conditioned us to believe that we must look and behave in certain ways to be "acceptable;" and we've fallen for it! We keep our guard up by putting on the happy face, or as you mentioned, don't allow God the freedom in us to be different than the world and let the Spirit flow out of us. Even parts of the Church (as a whole) have fallen into this trap.

I have heard of too many churches that believe they must "look good" to bring people in the door, and spending choices are made with this emphasis rather than what needs repair, or what teaching cirricula is needed, etc. The Holy Spirit is much bigger than that, and can overcome any visual obstacle man can think of. It's the heart of Christ in the people that matters. Jesus said it is the Father who draws people to Him. He did not say having the best looking church in the neighborhood would. John 6:44

"Happy face" church cultures are not condusive to the sacrifice you mentioned. It expects that everyone put on a happy face and not show that they are humans experiencing the hurt and anguish of the human condition. Leadership in these churches might ask how you are, but want to only hear that you are great... I believe this is arrogant pride and church-image seeping into a place that should be safe to share your "real" life and your "real" feelings. When we show the authentic, and if we allow it, God is given the glory of bringing us to redemption through His grace and mercy. Real testimonies are formed that help others see His power; which expands the Kingdom.

The Bible tells us in John 16:33 WE WILL have trouble... Why should we act as though we don't? I think 2 Corinthians 6:3-10 might apply?

Feb 22, 2008 12:07 PM
Really good stuff here.

Feb 23, 2008 05:41 AM
Proper
Nice
Happy
Socially Acceptable
Normal
Sane

These words and all of their cousins are my straight-jackets. I spent a couple of days this last week quite depressed.
The reason?
I expressed some of my thoughts out loud.
Then I regretted having opened my mouth. That day, everything seemed to affirm the fact that my feelings and beliefs were not socially acceptable. I could not do anything right. I wanted to run away and find some people to live with that were *way* weirder than I am so as to not stick out anywhere.

Chances are good that, if I click submit, I will regret having told you all this about myself.

But what are you going to do to me if you find out I'm not as normal as I pretend to be?
Outcast me? I am already outcasting myself by hiding and running away.
Mock me? It's only the false faces I wear that deserve to be mocked.
Throw stones at me? Well I guess I should try to avoid that!

- - - -
Lord I am amazed by You
but You frighten me
but I am ashamed to admit that
people frighten me more.
fix me?

Feb 23, 2008 02:20 PM
Love you, Shea.

Feb 23, 2008 09:22 PM
Hi Shea, sister in Christ... People are frightening!! They can hurt us, shame us and hate us; we have reason to be frightened.

I do not know you, but I want you to know that I am praying for you. I will pray the peace of Christ and His healing grace and mercy on your heart. I will also pray that you do not feel like you need to be more "normal." What is "normal" anyway?

We are all unique down to our toes and inside-out... How can there really be a "normal" if it is impossible for us to all be the same? I mean, look at the picture Dan has for his HooDoo icon. I know it's not him, but doesn't it kinda look like it coulda been at one time : ) [just kidding Dan!]

We are human, we have thoughts and feelings that do not align with the Trinity; it's our nature. I believe God knows we will always have these thoughts and feelings. If not, Christ might not have been necessary. If there was a possibility of sinless man, another solution could have sufficed. He knows WE WILL make mistakes. We will think ungodly thoughts, say things that aren't "acceptable" to others from time to time. I believe the proof is in how we handle it. We can't go back and take it away, we can't change the way it made others, or ourselves feel. So what do we do now? As Pastor Rick mentioned, pray...

I have said things I should not have and felt lousy for days, even longer sometimes. These are the times that I do not pray right away; I haven't set it at the foot of the Cross. Resolution was difficult, either because I did not seek it truly humbled, or I didn't seek it at all because my pride didn't let me. Other times, I have run straight to prayer. These are the times that I not only felt calm and did not have so much regret, but God also paved the path to the other people involved. The talking, seeking forgiveness and resolution went smoothly, with no harm done. Growth was attained and dignity kept by all parties involved. These were awesome God moments! And each time it got easier...

Now, even though I know the combination to make it work, I still do not run to prayer first every time... Why? Pride, control stubborn genes... I don't know, maybe it's the same missing link to exercising!! I know it's the best thing for my health, yet I do not make time to do it regularly. Go figure : ) It's that darn human nature again...

Not knowing the situation, I might be way off base, but I hope some of what I shared helps. And, your prayer to "fix me?" is beautiful; just what He wants to hear I think! Love ya : )

Feb 24, 2008 10:29 AM
Ok... sooooo... I am in the lobby of church right now... I just talked with Blake for a minute and he informed me that Shea, well, Shea is not my sister in Christ, but my brother in Christ... So, egg on the face, foot in the mouth, whatever other little sayings you can think of... I am sorry Shea!!

Maybe I will meet you sometime soon. God bless!

Feb 25, 2008 02:14 PM
Well I don't blame you - it's not like I was demonstrating my most masculine side by whining about how I was just gonna go eats some worms!

Just kidding....

Really though - I do appreciate your thoughts.

My "incident" was not a case of bad words, or harsh words - really they were just words ineptly placed, thoughtlessly thrown into the mix.

Ah well - my wife knows me and gets me and still loves me and assures me that I am not forsaken on accountta mine oddities...

I really appreciate being pointed back to the cross - that is, it seems, always the best advise I ever receive! - Thanks Tracy!

Feb 25, 2008 10:38 PM
Whew.... I could see the headline - "Gender Identity Crisis Sparked by Careless Salutation!"

Glad to hear all is good for you!

I hope to meet you and your wife sometime : ) God bless, Tracy